Don't Want It To Be Over
by BTRhpgeek21
Summary: It felt like the end of the show as they knew it for the Big Time Rush cast and crew. No one really wanted to see it end, but brighter futures felt like they could be ahead for everyone, except maybe Kendall, because in his opinion the end of the show meant the end of being with the one he loved.


_**This is just a little something I cooked up when I heard the show was ending and I felt like I needed to express my emotions towards why I don't really think it should end what it feels like for it to end in terms of Kendall and Katelyn. I cried so much while writing so yeah. -xoxo Tak P.S. Tune in Thursday May 2nd to Nickelodeon to catch the first episode of Season 4. WooHoo Big Time Thursdays!**_

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The atmosphere was bittersweet as the cast and crew of the Nickelodeon show Big Time Rush held their final cast party. There wasn't a single dry eye in the whole room, but smiles were perched on every ones faces, trying to salvage a celebration rather than mourning.

Though the chances of the show being renewed hung over them like clouds, almost in reach but not close enough to hold onto, the four boys of the band were unsure of how long they wanted to continue. James and Carlos wanted to move on to better, more mature things; Logan wanted to focus more on the music of the band before he hung up the title for good, and Kendall, well Kendall was more unsure than ever.

The show meant the world to the boys, but for Kendall it meant more than just his first big break in the big time. It meant being able to see and work with a certain blonde that had stolen his heart unknowingly. Though he never dared to admit it out loud or to her, Kendall was in love with Katelyn Tarver, the actress who played his love interest, Jo, in the show.

They had met years ago, even before they were casted together at a mutual friend's party, the friend at the time being one of Kendall's crushes and Katelyn's best friend. He never really cared too much for her in a romantic sense back then, but things always change. When he met her again, then on the verge of 18 and she on the verge of 19, he looked at her differently. She was older and wiser, way more accumulated with how the world worked, and he liked that the most about her.

As the time went by on set, their friendship grew to the point where Kendall felt like he couldn't go a day without her. Every morning, he'd wake up ready for work, knowing that she too would be there ready to share a scene with him. When Scott had told Kendall that he and she were going to kiss in the season one finale, Kendall was over the moon excited. He had felt a million butterflies leading up to it, and when it was over, he couldn't help but to wish for more of her soft lips. In the past four years of his life, she was the only girl he was ever kissing, and even then it was all for the cameras. He didn't want anyone else to touch his lips other than her.

Looking at her now, in these last few moments of the show that brought them together, made Kendall feel extremely nostalgic and even heartbroken. Who knew if they'd ever see each other again in the coming months? Who knew if she'd even talk to him after it was all officially over? Who knew if he'd ever get to kiss her again once she filmed her last scene with him?

It was bad enough that he had these thoughts just a year ago when they filmed the final episodes of season three and when she was going to be filming another show and the writers wrote her character out, now, though, it was all feeling a million times worse. Having to say goodbye to Jo had been tough for him even if it was acting. He remembered distinctly that they both held each other tight after the first goodbye scene, unable to hold their tears. And after, he had gone in his own dressing room and cried some more, not being able to hold back so much emotion. He remembered begging the writers to have her back because he didn't feel right with any other person.

She had changed his life in ways no other girl had; she helped him stay the same. She had made him comfortable in being himself and kept him grounded. She always kept him on his toes and reminded him that just because he's famous, he's not still a normal human. And for that, he fell in love. Everything she gave him made him want her more in his life.

Hot tears welled up in his eyes. He excused himself from the group of dancing cast members and walked out to get some fresh air that he desperately needed before he choked on a million tears. The cool breeze hit his face as he stepped out and a few tears rolled down. He sucked in a sharp breath, not wanting to get caught crying.

Why was it so hard to get over her? She wasn't ever available to him in a romantic sense, so why didn't he just give up? He wanted to move on, find a girl who could be his and fall in love with her. He didn't want to be pained by Katelyn's ghostly affections. He didn't want to be in love with her, yet he did.

He had believed that one day she could be his, but that day wouldn't be any time soon, now though, it seemed like that day may never come. When they were always in each other's eyes and kissing one another, it seemed more possible than when they were apart, which was going to be more often. He just wanted to have her in his life every day until forever, even if it meant just being friends.

Kendall let out a huge sigh of anguish. He found a bench and sat down. He looked around and thought of how much he was going to miss coming there every day even if it was a pain at times. He mentally took a trip down memory lane, recalling his first day on set and his first encounter on set with the beautiful blonde girl. She looked so shy, not knowing anyone really. Technically most the actors were new to Hollywood, moving to L.A. just for filming, so many of them knew no one enough to call them friend.

But Kendall had remembered her. How could he forget such a beautiful face? He had walked over to her and said hello. She looked at him a little funny as if she knew who he was, but accepted his gesture and returned it. He then introduced himself and reminded her who he was. When the realization hit her, she immediately felt more comfortable. They talked for a while, "catching up," and he then invited her to dinner with him and Dustin. She declined at first, but after Kendall insisted a thousand times, she said yes. He stilled laughed at how persistent he was. Little did he know that that was just the first step to falling in love.

They went to dinner that night after filming, joined by the rest of the boys of the then untitled band and Erin Sanders the Nick alum. Erin showed them all the ropes to acting for Nick, telling them what was and wasn't going to be acceptable. Even with all the rules, they still had fun. Kendall sat next to Katelyn during the whole thing. Watching her ease into comfort and begin to be herself made him exceptionally happy.

As he thought about that day, a goofy grin began to grow on his face. She always made him happy when she was happy ever since. Not a second went by when he'd imagine her smile and begin to smile himself. She really was the reason why he loved coming to work and continuing this show.

"I don't want to be away from you." He whispered to her image in his head.

While he sat their quietly reminiscing about his favorite moments with her, she walked out of the building calling his name.

"Kendall?" She called looking around. When she saw him on the bench she walked over to him. "What are you doing out here? Everyone's looking for you."

"I just needed a few moments to myself to think about things. But what's up?" He answered.

"We want you and the guys to sing for us." She told him, but instead of insisting he get up and come inside, she sat down next to him. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's really wrong; I just needed some fresh air to help me adjust to the changes in my life now that the show's ending." He answered.

"I think we all do, but the show isn't over yet, we still have 2 weeks." She told him.

"I know, but I'm just going to miss it a lot." He replied, but what he wanted to say was, "I'm just going to miss you a lot."

"I know how you feel. This was such a huge part of my life considering I was just a recurring role." She said. "It's going to feel weird not seeing all of you every few days."

"Yeah." Kendall replied, not wanting her to know how truly torn up he was over it.

"Remember when we met again on set? And you would not shut up about dinner until I said yes?" She remembered. Kendall chuckled.

"I was just thinking about that. Remember when we filmed our first episode together and you couldn't stop laughing because of the way I was dressed as a punk rocker." He reminded.

"Oh my gosh, yes! You looked so ridiculous! Remember when we rollerbladed all throughout set when we weren't filming and you tripped into the pool and Scott was going to kill you for it." She added, laughing.

"How can I forget, everyone was laughing their asses off while I was soaked and unable to get out of the pool." He said, chuckling.

"Then remember when we were filming the party episode and you gave me that weird metal thing and I said 'you would give that to a girl in real life,' and you tried to argue that you wouldn't, when we all know you would as an icebreaker." She said giggling.

"I would not! And if I did, the girl would say yes still." He retorted playfully.

Katelyn rolled her eyes. "Anyways, remember how long it took for our scenes because you didn't have all your lines down, and then when we danced, you danced like a white boy." She laughed.

"Excuse me, I am a white boy!" He scoffed. "It's not like you dance any better blondie."

"Watch it Schmidt, or else we'll have to dance battle." She suggested.

"Bring it Tarver, I'll school you with my moves." He said smugly.

"If by school you mean, old skool uncool." She retorted cooly.

"You mean like your moves because I think the eighties called and they want their dance moves back." Kendall shot back.

"You wanna go Kendork?" She challenged.

"Bring it Kateloser." He said leaning forward, closer to her.

"Oh it's brought." She said moving in towards trying to intimidate him.

"Then let's see it." He replied, inching near her face.

She glared at him jokingly. "Fine." She said, moving even closer.

He smirked at her. He was going to miss their little play fights and the how cute she looked when she tried to be tough, with her pouty lips and piercing stare down. He looked away from her eyes and to her lips. They way they were pursed made them look so kissable that he couldn't control himself.

"I guess I have to bring it first." He whispered before pressing his lips upon hers. At first, it was like any staged kiss of theirs, but then her lips parted a little instinctively, allowing it to be more natural and comfortable. Before he even realized it, he was pushing his tongue against her teeth, and she was letting her. Her hands went to his chin, lifting it up slightly to get a better angle before pushing him away and ending the intimate moment.

The looked at each other with glossy eyes; neither of them had realized that they were both on the verge of tears.

"Sorry." Kendall mouthed, unable to speak.

"It's okay." She said, shedding a tear and turning away.

They both shifted slightly further away from each other and avoided each other. Kendall felt worse than before. Kissing her now was never his intentions. He didn't want to do it at all because he knew it was just going to make him want her more and make it harder for him to move on. He couldn't imagine how she must have felt for kissing him while her boyfriend was inside.

He turned around and opened his mouth to apologize again, but nothing came out. He sighed and hung his head in his hands. Katelyn turned around and looked at him, feeling awful, but not for the reasons he thought. She never thought that she'd be kissing Kendall again until they resumed filming the next day; so to be surprisingly caught by lips startled her slightly.

Maybe it was the way he gently pushed up against her glossed lips with his rough ones or the way his tongue caressed hers while she let him in, she couldn't help but wonder why she wanted him to do it again. She almost regretted stopping him as early as she did. She wished he'd be more confident in owning up to the kiss and his feelings. She knew he liked her. Everyone knew it. It was obvious in every way possible, and she found it cute and notable of him to be able to keep their friendship as strong as it was even with those feelings. But the way he avoided speaking up for his self whenever she denied him made her feel like he was ashamed to like her.

"Can you look at me?" She asked him softly. "Please."

It took him a few moments, but he slowly pulled his head up and faced her. His eyes were red and beginning to get puffy. That's when she realized he had been crying, causing her to get teary-eyed too.

"What is going on with you?" She asked, trying not to cry or seem offensive.

"I just… I'm gonna miss this too much Kate. It gave me more than a big break. It gave something I want to hold on longer than I am allowed to." He told her. He paused, doing his best to restrain his tears.

"It gave me you." He croaked.

"What do you mean?" Her voice was becoming weak.

"Before this, I never knew how it felt like to have something that I couldn't keep, something that I could love but couldn't love me, something that I felt so strongly about that I didn't care how many times it broke my heart. And even if it was just for the purpose of the act, I got to fall in love with you and have you as my own. This show is the only way you can ever be mine Kate, and I don't want to let that go. I want you to be mine forever."

Tears rolled down Katelyn's cheeks. His words were powerful and so full of raw emotion that she couldn't help but thrust upon him, embracing him. She was fully crying now, holding onto him as tight as she could.

She never really thought about it before but the show was this weird universe in where they could be in love with him and no one stopping them ever. Those times when they filmed all the heartbreaking scenes, she was in real pain the whole time. Why? Because it felt like she had to really break up with him or watch him move on from her. She realized in this moment that she didn't want to have this end either. Without it, he was not hers and she could never be his. Without it, there was no way they'd ever be able to have a real relationship.

"Don't let me go Kendall." She whispered in his ears, soaking his shoulder with her tears. "Please."

"I can never let you go." He whispered back, finally letting his restrained tears fall a little. If everything was going to end, at least it was going to end with them together, one way or another.


End file.
